literature

Urges [Levi | Reader | Modern AU!]

Deviation Actions

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StilemaWillow
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Literature Text

[Warning: Foul Language | Mild Sexual Themes | Abuse Talk]


[Word Count: 6995]



Shit.

He really wanted her. A lot. And she woudn't even know.

He heard the front door open and then close, which brought him to the conclusion that she was back (probably with the intention to have a real life). She would usually come over to his place and use the spare key he'd given her to run away from a shitty day or avoid her douche of a boyfriend. The shit stain didn't treat her right - he misused her, abused her and talked shit all the time, but she kept jogging after him like a lost puppy after every single one of their arguments.

Levi had sworn it to himself that he was going to beat the bastard to a pulp at one point. Once (Y/N) had went to his apartment after an argument with a bruise on her face and when Levi asked her where it was from the answer was apparent before she even said it aloud. Shit stain of the year did that to her. Back then (Y/N) had to beg the raven on her knees not to remove that motherfucker from the face of Earth, which unfortunately worked and he decided to leave it for another time even though he hated seeing her come over all beaten up and tired after a shitty day at work.

His only relief on the matter was that now she was with him, so he could take proper care of her.

"How was work?" He asked while getting up from the couch and stretching a bit before heading for his office.

He needed to turn off his computer so she didn't see his new drafts - she wouldn't let him talk about anything else if she did. Plus, if she learned the drafts weren't even about the book and he was slacking off, she would give him a piece of her mind. Or her hand. She hated it when he procrastinated because he'd never tell her what was happening in the book and she'd be like all others - forced to wait for its release to understand what happens next.

"My boss was an asshole and had me do two ten-page reports before I left the office. Plus, his ever so arrogant secretary decided to spill her coffee on top of me. Twice. I didn't even have a spare shirt." The woman tossed her shoes next to his and plopped down on the couch in the living room seconds before Levi sat himself next to her.

"Want one of mine?" He suggested casually, knowing she'd be happy to accept.

"Sure thing, Levi. You know I never really refuse any clothes from you." The woman chuckled and he glanced at her. Because of their positions he couldn't see the right side of her face, but judging by the way her mouth halted in the middle of its stretch Levi concluded there was something fishy going on. Something more than a tea shower and a stressful day at work because usually that wasn't enough for her to run into his apartment at this time of the evening and not fall asleep on the couch. She obviously needed him as a friend at the moment and it was a thing he could understand.

"I'll fetch you a shirt and a pair of shorts from the dresser. In the meantime you need a fucking shower. You look and smell like shit." Levi commented with digust before standing up and listening to the ring of her chuckle.

"That's a shame. I even put on additional parfume before coming here." She said sarcastically just before he walked out of the room, all the while mumbling under his breath.

"Truly a fucking shame."

While he was picking out clothes for her, she entered the bathroom and less than six minutes later exited freshly showered, wrapped in the towel he's left for her use only. Levi couldn't help but stare at her body even though he knew it was wrong, his smoky hues walked over her bare shoulders, slender legs and thin waist. She was his best friend, but she was also the girl he was attracted to. He couldn't do anything to change that.

"What did the shit stain do this time?" Levi asked as they sat on the couch once more after she'd gotten dressed. (Y/N)'s right side was once again hidden from him and her hands were slowly drying her hair with a towel.

"How many times have I told you not to call him that?" She threw Levi a glance full of hidden amusement. She wasn't that much against the nickname Levi had thought up for her boyfriend, she even enjoyed hearing it at times.

"And how many times has that not affected me? Stop fighting it." The raven clicked his tongue and she just groaned in supposed exasperation. The gesture made him eye up her lips before focusing his gaze back on the TV show playing on the screen of his plasma. "Now answer my previous question." He added after she throught he'd forgotten about it, his eyes never fleeing from the front.

"He... didn't reject that slut of a secretary when she was flirting with him today. She almost kissed him at one point and he still didn't say 'no' to her. I slapped her, which may or may not have been the reason for my tea shower later that day." (Y/N) explained and Levi snorted.

"Good job. I would've clapped for you if I was there." He smirked briefly and she smiled slightly, hitting his shoulder casually, but never even facing him fully.

"Yeah, I know you would've. Anyways, when I tried to reason with him later he sided with her and I was so pissed off that I raised my voice at him and he just---" The flow of words coming out of her mouth came to a halt and Levi's eyes darted towards her visage almost immediately. He traced the movement of her fidgeting fingers in her lap and the locks of her damp hair as it made the T-shirt he'd given her wet.

"Don't tell me that shit stain hit you again." Levi stated coldly, his jaw clicking harshly when she didn't say anything and he gritted his teeth to the point they hurt. "(Y/N). Fucking look at me." She flinched and her hands instictivelly reached up to cover her face, making him even angrier. Did she just fucking react as if he was going to hit her? Was that the point of fear that shit stain had driven her to with his abuse? Levi grabbed her wrist and put it down gently, but his frown never left his face. "Did that shit stain hit you?" The raven hissed out through gritted teeth and she nodded her head weakly.

"Maybe." Her answer was so timid that she sounded like a child getting scolded for something it didn't even do.

Levi let go of her wrist and instead cradled her face with his slender hands as gently as possible, finally making her face him fully. Her expression was both guilty and scared, and the raven couldn't believe she even thought that he would ever hit her, but he guessed her boyfriend did it so often she expected it out of any male at this point of things. What was even more unbelievable was the fact that the shit stain had dared to hit her again. Levi's grey eyes slowly traced the cut on the right side of (Y/N)'s mouth where her bottom lip had split, it was swollen, red and most probably extremely painful.

"God." He let go of her face and she turned away once again, eyes avoiding his at all cost. "I'm going to shove a burning stick in his ass and push until it comes out of his mouth so he can suffocate with his own shit."

"Levi, don't talk like that!" (Y/N) exclaimed with furrowed eyebrows, but her eyes still seemed frightened.

"Like what, (Y/N)?! Don't tell me you're siding with that shit stain like he had with the slut today. You know he is pathetic for hitting a woman that loves him unconditionaly even though there's nothing to be liked about him. And you know I hate him." The raven glared and the woman just sighed before her gaze fled to the TV screen as if it would erase the awkward mood and ease the heavy atmosphere. When it didn't, she decided to speak.

"I do know. Just..."

"Just what?" He inquired with a frown and she sighed again then looked at him on her own accord for the first time that day with pleading eyes.

"I hate seeing you so angry." She stated softly, making him glare as he looked into her eyes with cold determination.

"I hate being this angry, too. Mostly because I don't think it'll be needed, but a shit stain stays a shit stain no matter how many chances you give it." He said coldly and she fell silent for a short moment before glancing at him with uncertainty.

"Would you feel better if we bitch behind his back over a few beers?" She suggested hopefully, her top priority at the moment being to make Levi turn back to his usual bored self.

"Sure. But only if I'm not the only one doing the bitching." He threw her a knowing glare and she chuckled, shooing him off the couch and out of the room to go fetch the beer.

"I will stay true to my words, don't worry. So you go and take the beer and I'll turn off my phone. We don't want any interruptions during our quality time, right?" She cocked an eyebrow his way and he nodded lightly, a satisfied hum rumbling at the back of his throat as he took his leave and headed towards the kitchen. Even in his wildest dreams Levi wouldn't be able to imagine how it made her knees wobble as she pressed the 'off' button on her phone once he exited the room.

...


"God, my boyfriend's such a bitch." (Y/N) may've been tipsy when she said that, but Levi wasn't anything near drunk.

In the last hour and a half he'd considered stopping (Y/N) from chugging down the six-pack he'd brought from the kitchen so many times that he almost thought he'd become her mother instead of best friend, but he never prevented the (h/c) haired from getting drunk because it was one of the little times she got to loosen up away from her shit stain of a boyfriend. Plus, she was with Levi only, so he would stop her from doing anything too stupid or dangerous if needed.

"Now you know why I call him a shit stain." He snorted and she laughed, making his heart flutter.

Why couldn't he get a crush on some stupid, pretty girl who only wanted to fuck him? With her he would have an actual chance. (Y/N) however, wouldn't let him do anything. She was mature, smart and beautiful, and probably more loyal than himself. Even if he wanted to he wouldn't be able to get her in bed with all those charms of his. Simply because she knew of all of them and she also knew that they wouldn't work on her like they did on every other woman.

That was probably the biggest hole in his plan during high school when he was still set on thinking of a way to win her over - he'd already become her best friend and it would've worked out so much better if they barely knew each other. Maybe if he wasn't stupid enough as to make her his friend then she would've been his girlfriend by now. Or she wouldn't even be here in this very moment at all, off with an abusive boyfriend anyway and leaving Levi to live his life all alone. He wouln't even be an author because she was all he could ever write about. He couldn't really choose which of those variants he liked most.

Probably none.

"I sure do. And I agree with you completely." Her can of beer lightly clinked against his and she lifted it to her lips, taking a sip before hissing in pain slightly. Obviously her split lip still hurt a lot.

"I'd drink to that." Levi stated and she looked at him with knitted eyebrows.

"My agreement?" She questioned and he shook his head. On a scale of 1-10, with ten being completely wasted and one being sober as shit, (Y/N) was probably above six. Once her intelligence stepped out of the way for her oblivious behaviour and whining she would be qualified as a steady seven and a half.

"No, the official announcal of your boyfriend's ultimate nickname." Levi let himself smirk at his own mock towards his best friend's boyfriend, who he wished was already dead somewhere or off fucking that secretary so (Y/N) could figure out how terrible he was and finally dump him.

"Well, let's drink to that then." She agreed quickly with a grin on her face, making their cans collide lighlty before chugging down the rest of her beer with Levi following close behind.

"To the shit stain that can't even go to the toilet without calling him mother to wipe his ass!" Levi lifted up his almost-empty can for a cheer.

"To the shit stain that can't sleep alone in fear of the dark!" (Y/N) added with her own empty can and the raven's head whipped to look at her in bewilderment.

"He's scared of the dark?"

"Oh, yeah, totally." (Y/N) snorted and Levi nodded his head in understanding all the while chanting under his breath 'good, good'. He went for two more cans and handed her one as she lay back on the cushion of the couch and stared at the TV, which was currently playing a cartoon.

"I'm starting to like my quality time with you so much, Levi. I've been piled up with so much shit lately. And as we spoke about shit - how's your book going?" She laughed at her own joke and then smirked at him as he leaned back on the cusion of the couch. (Y/N) used his position to put her legs in his lap and use him as a pillow.

"Better than your love life that's for sure." He didn't smirk, but she was able to detect the smugness in his voice, which meant he was truly mocking her. Her love life represented a shit a lot anyway so it was a justified mockery.

"Oh, come on." She whined and took a swig from the beer.

"It needs some editing and the few last chapters are fucking shit, but it'll be ready just in time for the publishing. Around a month or two." The raven shrugged and she nodded thoughtfully.

"That's great. How does it end?" She's been expecting the end with so much anticipation. He told her almost the whole story, but always refused to tell her about the actual end. The characters totally deserved to get married, maybe they could even have a kid - then they'd go and live where the heroine had always wanted them to spend the rest of their liv---

"They die."

"What?" Her drunken state was so bewildered for a second, her mouth fell open and she just stared at him like a fish.

"Just kidding." His face stayed expressionless even when she started cussing at him for scaring her that much. For the next few seconds she stayed there, her legs in his lap and a beer can in her hand, pouting ever so adorably. Levi just stared at the TV, knowing that soon enough she would shake off the gloom and resume questioning him. She could never ignore her curiosity.

"So the end?" She insisted less than five seconds later and he sighed.

"I haven't really set myself on a particular idea. I'll take my time with it." He barely sighed, he knew she would pester him about it, but he still didn't have that much of a clear idea in his head for it. He could make it sad or happy or something in the middle, which wouldn't really sell since average wasn't cliché enough or too much cliché and it wouldn't attract a bigger audience to the book. Or that's at least what his editor would say. However, no matter what exactly Levi wrote, he knew (Y/N) would love to read it. She always did. Only fou books into an author's life and she was probably his #1 fan or something.

He remembered once back in time (before she got herself a boyfriend) she decided to wait in line for his autograph and tackle him, making herself look like a crazy fangirl. Back then he'd scolded her as she laughed, but right now the memory of it was something that reminded Levi of what he used to have with her. She was crazy. She may had become rational and mature now, surpressing the adventurous high school girl, but the raven knew deep down she was still the same cocky girl who loved pranking people and dragging him into all of her messes, no matter if he wanted it or not.

It wasn't a coincidence that his first ever book was about two high schoolers falling in love. The second was about college. The third was dark and filled with the hardships of adulthood. The fourth was light and funny, shortest of them all. And the one that was being written right now... was about growing up out of everything. Even love.

"Tell me when you think of it immediately."

"You know I will anyway." He stated and she smiled slightly before leaving the beer can on the ground and propping herself on her elbows.

"I know." For that single moment her smile flashed in front of his eyes (her bright eyes lit up and the cut on her lip reopened) Levi craved the past. Her aura was so soothing and despite the fact she was drunk he knew - he wanted her. He'd never been somebody to glance too often behind his back, but in that single moment he realised he wanted to turn back time. To re-live everything the right way. To speak when the time was good. To prevent certain things from happening. And god, how much he wanted her.

"Jesus." He sighed - elbows propping themselves on his knees with his face in his palms as his fingers dug into his scalp, he knew this was wrong. Another sigh - a heavy one, left his lips and he felt (Y/N)'s legs leave his lap before she placed a hand on his slumped shoulder. The muscles tensed underneath her delicate touch and Levi could curse at that.

Don't touch her.

"Levi, are you okay?" She asked gently, voice wary but soft and he felt terrible on the inside. His brain couldn't even register what he was feeling so shitty about, he just knew he wanted to vomit and that the reason had something to do with her.

His back hit the cushion of the couch harshly in an attempt to shake off her touch. He kept his hands in front of his face, trying to brush off the illusions by rubbing his eyes constantly and racking his fingers through his raven locks. "I'm fucking fine, I just---"

Don't touch her.

"Are you drunk?" She inquired with a concerned face and tried getting closer, but he cut her off sharply.

"I never get drunk."

"Then?" She was considerate of him even in a moment like this when she should be worrying more about herself. She was the drunk one after all.

"Just go to sleep already. It's late." He reached for his can of beer, but her hand stopped him. That small palm of hers - that made electricity graze his skin once it touched his flesh - was cold. He clearly felt her freezing fingers, but it was as if he didn't even notice them when he heard what she said next.

"I don't want to go to sleep, Levi. I'm not that drunk yet. And I don't want to leave you alone when you seem down. What's up?"

Couldn't she just leave him now? It seemed as if he was going to either have a mental break down or jump her if she stayed any longer. Snapping didn't sound all too good in Levi's own opinion, but the cup was already overflowing and he knew he wouldn't be able to keep up with her curiosity any more, which would surely result in something neither would like to face the consequences of afterwards. Then it would be too late.

"Your boyfriend's up. Why can't you fucking give him the boot?" The raven had had enough for the day. Her presence was overwhelming, he shouldn't have gotten so careless and maybe if she hadn't been herself then he wouldn't have to deal with these things right now. Deep down he knew the fault wasn't hers, though. It was all him.

"Levi, we've been over this more times than I care to remember. Why do you care if I dump him or not anyway?" She asked, borderline pissed off. He knew pretty well they had already engaged in too many arguments about her relationship with that shit stain in the last few years she'd dated him. They all had the same outcome - her emotions beating his selfish arguments and them both stopping to talk to each other for a day or so.

"It's because I fucking---" He didn't want to finish that sentence, because goddamn him if he told her now. At this point, it would be as useless as this argument.

"You fucking what?" She was really growing irritated, but the tone of curiosity in her voice had obviously raised. Levi knew he hadn't acted like this since the time they were in college. His very first outburst when he was yet once again on his way to confess to her was just like this. He never let himself finish back then. And it was too late now anyway. Why not just say it?

"I can take better care of you! I bet you haven't even made love to him! And you know why? He's a piece of shit that doesn't know how to love - that's why!" Levi's face was one of pure fury, he even wondered for a second if the alcohol wasn't really influencing his system and the decisions he was making.

(Y/N) was quiet for a second. All was silent. Then her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth opened ready to voice out her retort. "If you're so confident then---"

"Then what?" He snapped back at her, knowing she would go and tell him to fuck himself or something similar.

"Have sex with me, Levi."

Her sentence - short, full and straightforward, stunned Levi immensely. He knew he wasn't alright, but neither was she. He didn't want to take advantage of her when she was intoxicated but the fact she'd never want this of him when she was sober made the situation worse for him. The temptation of smothering her with kisses on the spot was too irresistable because he knew after tonight he wouldn't ever get another chance to.

"You're going to do it so easily?"

She snorted in determination and he knew when she set her mind on a goal she was going to have it. He just hoped he could convince her otherwise this time before it was too late.

"Why not. You said my boyfriend is a shit stain yourself. That he can't show me love. Then you do." The glint in her eyes, the alcohol on her breath, the bead of sweat rolling down from the crook of her neck into the valley of her breasts - Levi's eyes skimmed along every single of those things and yet he couldn't force himself to look away from her as a whole.

"How do you know I even love you?" He asked a simple question, knowing (Y/N) would probably put a lot of thought on it.

Which she didn't do this time. "I don't. But I trust you." Her figure moved closer to him, her legs made themselves comfortable between his thighs as her hands stood on both his shoulders. She waited for a reply.

"Trust me? So you're telling me that handing me over the choice here is called trust? I can do it and it would be bad, I can refuse and it would be bad yet once again. The fuck's gonna end good in this situation?" The raven may have been angry, but he concluded screaming at her would only make the situation worse.

He couldn't choose between her friendship and a single night with her, and he knew - trust for her meant that she knew he would do the right thing in the situation. The right one for her or him, though? He didn't deserve her trust when he was this selfish. They'd been friends for almost eight years now and he'd been surpressing his needs for at least four of those years. And now that he was actually being tempted by having sex with her and ruining all those years of friendship he was able to realise that he was more pathetic than anyone had given him credit for.

"You'll show me what I'm missing. What I've been missing all this time." Her words brought him out of his small daze, his eyes went back to hers and for a second he really considered the idea of her request. She wanted to feel love? Okay, he'd give it all to her. It wouldn't be wrong. It could only end badly.

"And you're not afraid?" His voice was merely a whisper in the room - he felt like he was suffocating, his throat was dry and scratchy, his voice was slightly hoarse, his hands were trying to stay by his side.

Don't touch her.

"No." Her gaze was soft and hear breath heavy on his face. His hands were itching to touch her skin.

"Disgusted?" His eyebrows furrowed in uncertainty and she shook her head. It brought him physical pain to stop himself at the moment - he wanted her, wanted her so badly she'd never know it. But if he did it he'd hate himself the next morning. And she'd hate him, too.

Don't touch her.

"No." She was determined and straightforward and it made his breath hitch.

"Shit." Levi cursed under his breath, gaze averting from her bright hues as he tried to calm himself down. He could more than ravish her right on this spot here with her own consent and he was asking himself why the fuck he was even hesitating - he'd come so far, done so much for her, been so patient and as nice as possible. He'd controlled himself around her, waiting for this fateful moment, so why was he trying to stop himself now?

"Why?" Her question of pure curiosity made him curl up his hand in a fist then bite the inner side of his lip after he gave her a reply.

"You're taking away every reason for me not to do it." That was the thing. He wanted to, but his mind - his rational side - was telling him not to do it, to stop now when it wasn't too late. He didn't want to listen to it, but he knew deep down it was the right thing to do. And yet---

Don't touch her.

"Then just do it."

Everything about her screamed to do it already: from the way she smirked and bit her lip to the way she literally offered herself to him, drunk or not. He didn't even need to reassure himself that it was all gonna be okay because simply enough he was already aware that it wasn't going to be and he accepted the fact barely when he felt her lips collide with his.

I'm gonna fucking regret this shit so much.

Was most probably the last rational thought his mind managed to voice out before the switch of the brain was turned off and the one of the heart was turned on. It was like an instinct to kiss her back, to wrap his hands around her and pull her closer - something he'd been so patiently expecting all this time.

Her lips were hot and just so soft against his he didn't even bother to be that gentle. His hands roughly traced the outlines of her body, gripping her rear as she opened her mouth for his wet muscle to explore for the first time. She was already panting when he got up from the couch and made her legs wrap around his waist, he didn't really intend to have sex with her for the first time on the couch in the living room.

When her back hit the soft mattress Levi felt like he had achieved something in life - something way more meaningful than writing a simple novel or two, or even five, something that satisfied him inwardly because of the mere idea. Seeing (Y/N) - that strong, independent, funny, beautiful and so much more than simply unavailable woman, laying underneath him as she panted and stared up at him with lust made him feel something inbetween guilt and pleasure. Her swollen red lips were waiting for his and her (e/c) hues were basically begging him to touch her already. A slight surge of curiosity went through his body as he kissed her again - something similar to what Adam probably felt when he took the forbidden fruit from the garden.

(Y/N) was his forbidden fruit that much was true. Another undeniable fact was that her infidelity wouldn't be taken lightly - she'd want to kill herself afterwards for doing such a thing or her shit stain of a boyfriend would try to kill both of them if he ever found out. Something inevitable in all cases was that no matter the particular outcome, the ending would be bad.

Levi barely had time to process those stuff. He didn't even try because after all - he wanted to face those consequences. If that was the price he was going to pay for finally getting what he wanted then let it be. He was going to be an egoist, he would want her only for himself, he would ruin their friendship. So be it if that meant giving her all the love he had tonight.

This was a mistake, that much was clear, but it was a sweet mistake, one he wouldn't actually regret.

Their clothes left their bodies, slipping into the darkness of the bedroom. (Y/N)'s slender fingers dug into the muscles of his back as he pressed sloppy kisses all over her body and her voice fueled his eagerness when she would moan. He'd never imagined he'd truly get to hear her made such lewd noises first-hand, but here she was - racking her fingers through his raven bangs as he held her thighs and made her chant his name like it was the only thing she knew how to say. Minutes later, she begged him to stop teasing her and he complied happily - enjoying the sight of her red face as he trusted in and out of her core. Her nails scraping along the skin of his back made him hiss and he was sure there would be marks, but he couldn't care less about it - it felt so good at the moment.

He could never get tired of doing this, he could keep for forever.

...


On the next morning - a bright and warm Sunday, Levi woke up to the faint sound of whimpering. When his eyes fluttered open and he searched around the room for the source of the noise, Levi's gaze was met with (Y/N)'s hunched form sitting on the edge of the bed with her face in her hands as she sobbed..

This was it. Levi knew. The consequences had come to him.

He sat up in the bed and warily approached the crying female, wondering what he could say in this situation.

"(Y/N)."

For now he only needed to get her attention - he concluded. He couldn't really ask 'Why all the tears?' or 'Was I good yesterday?' or 'You're gonna dump your boyfriend and come to me now, right?'. Neither would 'good morning' work, because the woman was clearly bawling her eyes out and as insensitive as Levi was to crying people, he was not an idiot in the least. His best friend's head whipped back to meet his gaze with her puffy bloodshot eyes and he knew he was in no state whatsoever to call her a friend of his anymore. He could only try and keep her as an acquaintance of his at most. Levi could now bet she would no longer talk to him.

"... How could you?" She asked quietly, voice raspy and full of disgust as her eyes narrowed at his visage but still kept the tears coming and rolling down her face that held a hurt expression.

"... you started it."

"Yes, but you should've stopped me! I was drunk!" Her head may have been feeling as if splitting in two from the hangover, but she still managed to scream at him from frustration and anger. And she was only partially right.

"Don't lie to me, (Y/N)! I did try to stop you! Don't put all the fault on me now!" Levi was getting angry himself. She was now standing up in front of him - fuming, but still crying - dressed only in his forest green T-shirt from the nigth before and glaring at him.

"I wouldn't if it wasn't you the one at fault!" She exclaimed and he peeled the sheets off his body, only his boxers standing on his waist as he sat on the edge of the bed and argued with her.

"You were the one that was seducing me! What was I supposed to do?!" His face was full of fury even though he realised it was how it would've gone all this time. All pleasure and happiness from the night before had vanished from his thoughts - now all he could think of was a way to try and make himself not seem like the only villian of the story.

"Reject me!" Her voice hit a higher note and Levi almost cringed - not because of it but because of the simple words it voiced out.

"So we could've stopped being friends either way?! I better enjoy you all to myself for a night than shoo you off!" He finally boiled over the edge - edge of all rational and he had already started - he said it.

"... what? You..." Her eyes were wide and full of disbelief, her motions were cut off - body frozen in shock from his words and her voice was barely a whisper yet he was able to catch both it and the shock it expressed.

"Yes, yes - I've wanted you. All the years we've been friends, but you decided to get an abusive boyfriend, so I tried to stay a friend of yours rather than break off all contact because I had a broken heart. Now here you come along, all broken-hearted and shit because your boyfriend is siding with a slut that hates you, you offer yourself to me in the most horrible way possible and I can clearly tell you wouldn't want to see me ever again no matter the actions I could've taken back then and you say that it's my fault? Maybe, for falling in love with you back then. But now, (Y/N), the fault in this situation is yours. All yours." He glared at her and stood up, making her seem small and vulnerable, broken and shocked, and just so emotional - like he'd never seen her before.

The (Y/N) he knew wasn't like this. She always had things under control, she lost her temper but she never cried, she was never vulnerable or weak, she was always confident, the air around her always spoke of her emotions, but now all Levi could see was the bundle they'd become. Witnessing the always composed and confident woman he'd been in love with all this time look so broken and confused by everything just made him want to hug her and erase all pain her mind could've been in.

"Stay away from me, Levi." The urge apparently had been too big for his body to control, so when he felt (Y/N)'s small hands trying to hit his chest as he hugged her form Levi could see how confused indeed she was. Usually she would've been able to punch him really hard and make him back out, but now she was so absentminded that she couldn't even focus on punching him properly.

"No." He stood his ground and his arms stayed unmoving around her form. "Not until you say that we're both at fault for what happened."

"And what if I don't want to?" She whispered in the crook of his neck.

"I know you want to be loyal to that shit stain, but not saying it out loud doesn't erase it and we both know that." The voice that was always so deep and monotonous kept his steadiness, but replaced the usual cold and nonchalant feeling with mildness instead. It was obvious he wasn't trying to hurt her intentionally and saying the truth in a more hushed voice wasn't going to take away the consequences of his words but maybe it could soften them a little in her ears.

"Levi..." She sobbed hard and he could already feel tears rolling down her cheeks onto his bare skin.

"Yeah, I'm sorry for being an ass." His hand petted her head and held her body close as she almost chocked on her own sobs.

"What am I gonna do now?"

"'I slept with my best friend.' Was what you stopped yourself from saying, correct?" His voice was barely a whisper, but it made her briefly take a gulp of air and squeeze him closer to herself with the words:

"I hate you for knowing me that well." She mumbled into the crook of his neck as he sighed.

"Where did the 'you ass' go? Now that we've had sex you're trying to break us apart by not using my pet name?" Usually the joke would had made her laugh full on, but unfortunately for him the best reaction he could get out of her right now was a single fake-angry 'shut up, you ass' and a weak slap on his back because apparently she didn't want let go of him yet. He could feel the disgust that oozed from her, but not because of him - no, he couldn't even hope for that - the disgust was directed towards herself because she'd commited such an act. He knew she was blaming herself.

"There it is. I won't shut up, though." With a soft caress to the back of her head and a gentle voice he tried to make her stop crying. Such an impossible task, though.

"What are we going to do now?" Her hands clenched and unclenched just over the skin of his shoulder-blades and he tensed, knowing he would have to give her an answer. After all they were both at fault for what happened and they had to try and solve it together.

"Slap me across the face if that would help." He stated with a small huff. She parted from him and looked him in the eyes as if asking 'are you for real?', but he just nodded at her tear-stained face. In a second he felt his head spin ninety degrees to the left, his cheek stung and the side of his jaw was numb all over. "Didn't expect you to do it for real." He pointed out while holding the wounded place as she looked down at her feet and then back to his face in shame.

"I know." She stated and he sighed deeply through his nose, his hand letting go of his face only to come in contact with her shoulder, keeping her in place as he collected the proper words for what he wanted to say.

"(Y/N), I..."

"Save it." She cut him out coldly even though he never finished. Her eyes strayed from his in the moment she continued her small speech but she left his hand on her shoulder stay in its place. "I'm afraid you'd have to say it when you're sure I'll say something positive in return." Her own hand went for her arm, trying to cover her body. She showed discomfort even though she spoke with coldness in her voice.

"You won't now?" His eyes searched for hers, but she refused to meet his smoky gaze - it was full of both despair and hope, it could make her weak in the knees.

"We just had sex, Levi. I commited infidelity. I hate myself currently. And you, too. You can't actually want of me to return that 'I love you' you were about to say." Her voice trembled at the middle of her sentence and Levi's eyes narrowed in supposed pity.

"But you would after time?" His voice held no hope, just nonchalance and she immediately knew he wasn't even hoping for a positive answer.

"Yeah, in the friend way." (Y/N) fiddled with the hem of the forest green T-shirt, finally looking up and meeting his gaze. When she saw his eyes held nothing but emptiness, she could only guess how broken he was by the situation at hand.

"Did you at least enjoy it?" He asked but his voice was deprived of any playfulness and yet to brighten the mood she huffed while hiding a smile and slapped his shoulder weakly, looking back down at her feet.

"You're disgusting." She mumbled and tried her best not to chuckle at his question.

"Look who says that." His words made her look back up at him with a hurt expression, an inner conflict raging inside her mind, body and each and every fiber of her was suggesting a different solution to the situation - each crazier than the previous.

"Levi..." She trailed off and his face for the first time in ages dared to show her an expression she was better off without seeing. Sadness.

"I don't want to have you hating me, (Y/N). I'm okay with being a friend of yours, not even a lover or anything special, just don't leave me." He mumbled with a strained voice, arms going for a hug and enveloping her fragile body with tense tenderness as if she'd disappear if he let go of her. His words were so out of character because they were filled with emotion and honesty, with everything he was usually straying from and that was what surprised her most.

She didn't try to push him away, but her body forced his in a corner and he fell back on the bed. His hands however refused to leave her frame and she just wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her face burying itself in his raven locks as her fingers interlocked with the silky tresses.

"... we'll see."

"Please." He begged, face in her chest and hands gripping her waist in a vise grip, voice getting muffled by the clothing she had on herself.

With a deep breath she filled her lungs with the sweet aroma of his ebony locks and exhaled slowly while pulling lightly on a strand of his hair. "... fine. I won't leave you, Levi."

It took him time to process what she said, he was overwhelmed by happiness, by relief, by hope and a small breath of relief left his lips. His eyes stung and he blinked numerous times before he could calm down. She felt his hands tighten their grip on her waist, but she didn't mind since she had the feeling it was the most he could do right now without losing control of his emotions.

Don't cry.

She smiled gently, still caressing his hair, and closed her eyes for a single moment with the intent to inhale some of his pleasant scent again, but instead she could feel her heatbeat beating against her ribcage in a calm manner, the relaxation her body oozed, the small breaths she let out while being held in his arms - literally everything about him helped her relax. Who would think she was having a mental breakdown just a few minutes ago?

And then his answer, weak and so soft - anything but what Levi would had usually said, made her grin so much her cheeks hurt because she knew she would find a way out of this mess. And she knew she had him by her side. And one day... maybe he could get what he wanted as well. She would say it when the time comes.

"... thanks, (Y/N)."
Okay, I apologize if most of you concluded there would be hardcore smut or sth and read it just because of that, but I tried my best in the intimate department so spare me, I'm trying to make it good for you in a way. This is dedicated to Cheater Month, because I was just so late with it. I'm dragging it out since Novemeber.  Finally it's out in the light and I hope you like it.
© 2016 - 2024 StilemaWillow
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loverhetalia

This...was actually really good.