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Literature Text
I make my way to the entrance of the building and go up the stairs as fast as possible since I am pretty much aware I'll be late. Well, not that I can be late for a library, but around two years ago I set myself a schedule to follow and I am falling behind right now.
I quickly gulp down half the contents of the carton cup I'm clutching in my hold as I stop inbetween floors to take a breath. The hot liquid burns by tongue and I am sure it will leave it numb for the next few hours, but since I can't bring beverages or food in the library I have to drink it now or get it poured all over my head as I am being kicked out for the day.
I know better than to choose the latter.
And since today has already been bad enough I really don't want for it to become even worse by not letting me see my beloved librarian.
Yeah, you totally heard me, I've got the hots for the librarian of the local library.
I resume my sprint up the stairs and finally find myself in front of the entrance of the library. The hard oak doors mark the exact place I leave behind all pride and enter the guilty-pleasure temple I've secretly built for myself exactly two and a half years ago. I push the doors open and enter inside, tossing the now empty carton cup in the trash can close by and glancing at the massive mahogany desk a few feet away from me.
Behind its slick surface sits a male so gorgeous I can cry every time I look at him. His gaze departs for a moment from the lines of the book he's holding and descends towards my form. His gunmetal irises eye me up shortly before they return to the safe heaven of the paragraphs of the book in his hands and he huffs almost inaudibly as I make my way by his desk.
"A bit late today." He notes boredly and I stiffen for a single second. I realise he is very observant, maybe even more than he is beautiful and since my highness is a regular visitor at the library I can bet he has the exact time I arrive and depart written down on a note and stored deep within that pretty mind of his.
"My roommates were having a gathering of sorts, it's hard to change clothes when there are people making out in front of your dresser." Not a lie. Eren and Jean are dipshits, who are most probably currently getting wasted and hooking up with different girls on every flat surfce they can find around the dorm. My statement makes the raven snort. Probably he doesn't need that much details.
"Are you going to stay until closing time again?" He asks instead of making a comment on my previous words and I hold back a snort of kinds.
Of fucking course I'll be staying until closing time, you beautiful creature. Ever seen me leave earlier than that?
I think for a second that it will be very unfortunate if the male that stands behind the desk turns out to be a mind-reader because all the stuff I've said and thought and imagined that regarded him would turn out to be a great way for him to blackmail me and probably bring me a great deal of humiliation along the way.
"Yeah, I have to read some more..." I trail off uncomfortably. What did I even read last time I was here? I forgot, I probably stared at the raven too hard to focus for more than a few paragraphs. Even so, I have a Literature major, I’m supposed to read classics or something of the kind. "Hamlet."
"Didn't you finish that last month?" He questions boredly as his piercing gaze once again leaves the pages of his book to glance at me with a look that almost tells me I am fucking busted. I glance around the library, surprisingly finding the almost empty place not being that much of a reassurance as I usually do. I think up a lie.
"Jean doesn't get it fully and we have an assignment for next week. He said he'd give me twenty bucks if I managed to teach him everything and for that to happen I myself have to read it once more and freshen up my memory." I blabber much and quickly, but the man behind the desk doesn't seem to mind.
"Hm." He only hums lightly and I take it as a sign to leave already and proceed doing whatever I have in mind.
I start browsing the names of each section of shelves around the place (not that I don't already have them all memorised, I just need to walk around a bit to cool off) and finally settle at a table after getting Hamlet from the classics section. I also snatch a guilty-pleasure book from the romance section, but the hot librarian with no traditional values and sense of romance whatsoever doesn't need to know about it.
The table I'm positioned at is literally the best table around the place since it gives me a side-view of the librarian's desk and doesn't make me look creepy at all since it is the one that's falling in my line of sight. Also, the angle it gives me towards the librarian himself is basically the best thing ever.
I just realise, I've been calling him 'the librarian' too much all of a sudden. Of course, Levi doesn't mind it, but he likes to say that the title makes him both proud and sound a bit old, with most of the accent falling on the latter. Unlike the last librarian (an old, spite-filled hag who didn't even care whether the place was clean or quiet), Levi actually does his job and likes it. He's young, too young to be a librarian, but I'll be the last person you hear complaining about that really; and he's immensely gorgeous if I haven't mentioned it already.
His raven hair in undercut style would make any girl swoon and then attempt to glide hands through it. His skin is pale - maybe because he spends no more than two hours a day outside, his height is a bit under the average for a grown male (well, now, when I say grown I mean mid-twenties max), but the broad shoulders, toned torso and nicely-shaped ass certainly compensate for that. His eyes are narrow, piercing and very electrifying.
Levi (again unlike that old hag) has his rules set. Food and beverages aren’t allowed in the library, chewing gum is fine as long as it's not later found stuck to the underside of the tables, chairs, shelves or the worst - inbetween the pages of some book. There is no loud talking or screaming in the library, also it is not to be used for anything besides reading and studying. Example - no horny hormone-bags (teenagers as called by the big mass of society) are allowed inside if their only intent is to make-out somewhere quiet.
Besides being diligent, Levi is extremely intelligent, hardworking and certainly caring. He usually faces everyone with a bored frown, but he can be kind when he wants to be. He's never unreasonable and he's reliable, so going to him when in need is the best place I can go. Aside from getting to look at him extra time, he actually helps me, so yeah - he's also helpful. His memory is basically the epitome of perfection and precision and he may not look like it but he's super funny when he's sure there aren't too many people around.
Enough of a reason to like him, right?
At least it's enough for me.
And so, seated in my perfect place, reading my guilty-pleasure book and switching with Hamlet when Levi glances at me is how I spend the next four hours, to the very second Levi nags me to leave because the library is closing doors.
Good enough for a Monday I have to say.
"Hey, Levi." I call the very next day as I make my way inside the library, but surprisingly for me the raven-haired hot librarian is nowhere to be found. My eyebrows furrow when I stare at his empty desk, but I head for the romance section to grab my favourite guilty-pleasure book anyway, hoping to see him emerge from inbetween the sections as I walk.
Something similar happens indeed, but instead of Levi stumbling onto me, I just so happen to locate him first. His back is pressed against the shelf that holds my guilty-pleasure book and he is immensely uncomfortable and a bit ticked-off.
The reason?
A girl is currently flirting with him.
He notices me the moment I step a foot inbetween the shelves and my eyes widen as I catch the way he glances at me like a deer in headlights as if begging for me to rid him of this nonsense. Usually, things like these happen on a daily basis even when I am not around (I know it because he's told me not because I'm some creepy stalker or anything), so I wonder why the handsome male would need my help to shoo off the clingy girl.
However, I realise less than half a second later that this is my chance to claim my territory.
Well, not territory per se; when I say territory I just mean belonging and Levi isn't really my belonging, no I don't really own him even though I strongly wish I did, but it's my time to prove to these peasant girls that I am dominant in this place. I rule around here and I get to talk to the hot librarian because I come here for the books and not him unlike the majority of them.
I close up on Levi and the little blonde who's fluttering her long eyelashes his way with an innocent, almost oblivious face, but on the inside I laugh smugly. The moment the girl notices my presence is the moment I decide to act.
"Hey, Levi." I say with a sweet smile and voice as close to an angel's as possible. The raven almost seems relieved and the blonde in front of him glares at me with her chocolate orbs as if I've just expressed my displeasure with her presence vocally. I glare back just as intensively, making sure Levi didn’t catch the brief gesture displaying my dominance as a proud female.
Bitch, I called dibs two years ago.
My mental growl is also briefly heard out loud before I continue speaking. "You were going to show me the new prints of that adventure book today, right? Or am I interrupting something?"
The girl is about to speak, but Levi beats her to it, making me grin internally in satisfaction.
"No, you’re not. Let's go."
He takes the lead and walks in front of me, leaving the blonde with her manicured nails and caked face behind faster than anything I've seen. I feel extremely superior in that single moment when her angry but hopeless gaze meets my confident expression. I smile as I follow him, giving her a last warning glance to step back or bear the consequences before turning my attention to Levi's toned back covered just barely by that light green shirt he's decided to wear today. Ever so fortunately for me, he's left his cardigan at his desk and I'm given the unique opportunity to check out his back muscles to my heart's contents unlike other days when he's always covered by at least two layers of clothing which don't let his beautiful structure reveal itself from underneath.
"Thank you, by the way." His voice snaps me out of my daze regarding his precious back muscles and I shake my head awkwardly.
"It's nothing. I don't particularly know what the feeling of being constantly hit on is like, but I'm sure it's not the best when you're not interested." I scratch the back of my head while trying to think of something else to say when Levi stops, making me jump back instead of bump into him like the giddy female lead in all romance novels. Honestly, I wish to be like that, but I'm just the possessive perverted fangirl instead and I can't really hope for a happy ending with the perfect man when I'm only a college student with dumb horny roommates and a part-time job as a barista.
I watch as Levi turns around and his narrowed eyes trace my face with suspicion. "You don't?"
Shit, I totally lost track of the convo.
I bite back a desperate expression, having lost the connection in our conversation and possessing no idea whatsoever what he meant. "I don't what exactly?" I ask, trying to act confused and it's honestly not hard at all.
"You don't get hit on?"
Sure as hell I don't, Levi, look at me. Despite my smartass mental comment my eyebrows furrow as I watch the slight confusion on his face grow into genuine doubt. My mouth stays closed.
"Don't you work next to a high school?"
Well, yes, of course I do, but questions is--- Why do you remember when I've mentioned it only once in the two years we've known each other??? My own face contorts in confusion as I listen to the raven haired man talk. He seems uneasy as if he's trying to say things he doesn't want to.
"I'm pretty sure half if not all males that have once visited your workplace would try to---"
Having realised what he may just wrap this sentence with, I raise my eyebrows and am about to open my mouth, but I don't seem to be fast enough. Levi lets out a snort and scoffs dismissively to himself, as if the mere idea of starting his last sentence is stupid enough to put him in the category of a retard.
"You know what, this is enough for today. Thank you for helping me back there, go and fetch yourself a book and I'll resume my work." His gaze is directed towards the ground as his lips part and his voice is just as cold and bored as always. However, the additional stiffness that is inside is not inaudible for my ears.
I don't seem to assimilate the information he's just provided me with fast enough and by the time I'm halfway through with repeating his words in my head and analysing them thoroughly he's already gone to his desk of mahogany. I stand there, between the shelves full of books of fiction, where all kinds of different worlds surround me, but I'm bound to this one by the words Levi's just told me, the words I don't seem to grasp the meaning of.
My mouth opens as I stare at the space he used to occupy blankly. And I speak.
"... alright."
A sigh is drawn out of my lips and my head falls, my gaze directs itself to my feet and the shabby old carpet under them which is (despite its age) red like a brick. It's looked like that for years and it never changes. I snort and my feet move across the carpet between the sections, towards the tables at the back of the spacious place. If I want to be out of Levi's sight (and that's all I really want at the moment) that's the right place to go.
Stupid, I'm a fucking dimwit, I should've stopped him. I scold myself mentally as I pace to the tables, but my feet suddenly come to a halt just at the end of the line of shelves. I'm still in their shadow as a mocking thought enters my mind.
Yeah, and what would I tell him then?
"Levi, wait a second, I seriously don't get you, but please stay because I like you and I feel better when you're around?" I step into the light that's seeping through the windows on both walls whose ends meet at the corner right across my form. I can hear how ridiculous I sound and it honestly disgusts me. There's no living soul where I am right now and I doubt Levi's hearing is actually as good as to catch the sound of my voice (much less my words) from across the whole library, so I let them hang in the calm air for a few seconds before moving to the table furthest from the shelves and sitting down.
Ha-ha, that was right out of a romance novel, but if he heard me he'd say I'm acting like a freak instead of reciprocate my feelings. End of romance. I snort unattractively and upon the mention of romance, my thoughts race back to the unexisting memory of me actually taking my guilty-pleasure book from the romance section.
Well, great. I get up from the table and skip over to the nearest shelf (which just turns out to be a part of the classics section) to grab the first book that falls into my sight. My inner monologue continues as I make my way back to the table and I feel the need to snort at the coincidence I'm holding in my hand once I get a look at its title. The romance section is right across from Levi's desk so if I actually want to get it, I'll have to face the humiliation of him seeing me pick it out. Looks like Jane will have to wait a bit before confessing her feelings for Daniel during their tutoring session because I'm stuck here reading Hamlet and avoiding my all-time favourite librarian.
Tucked in the corner and re-reading Hamlet for the tenth time in my college years is how I spend the next two hours, up to the moment I decide to leave early and sneak out wordlessly through the oak doors two hours before closing time. Levi's words on the matter
("(Y/N), where are you going?")
and my nonexistent response irk me constantly for the rest of the day (and night) as I am forced to listen to Jean and Eren fight for the umpteenth time that week.
Not that great of a Tuesday in my book.
I wake up and the first thing I think about is Levi. Of course, I have the hots for the guy, but I've been avoiding him for the past two days and it's already Friday morning. I've been taking longer to drag my ass to college because I started rounding the library in desperate attempts not to encounter the male and yes, I know I’m going too far. Also, I totally agree, but it isn't that bad although my energy levels have fallen drastically and I barely have the will to get up from my bed what stays go to college or deal with anything else.
I decide upon my awakening today that I'm finally going to go back to the library. Maybe I'll make up a stupid excuse if Levi asks why I've been gone. Hell, maybe I won't even have to because he's not that interested in me as to ask anyway.
I shake my head and go make myself some coffee before taking off towards college and right after preventing today's feud between my roommates. I feel like a deadman and it's honestly strange because I know the cause is the fact I haven't been able to see Levi, but I keep on denying it's that because it would seem I'm all too vulnerable without him. I don't like being dependant on people. Even more people that have just barely acknowledged my existence (which is basically a lie in my case since the guy is my friend, but let’s humour my pessimistic self for a second here and ignore it).
Of course, that day, college is more boring and going slower than ever before. Mostly because of the fact I'm excited to go back to the library and a bit nauseous on the very same matter as well. I feel like the reason I'm actually avoiding Levi is more stupid than I myself am.
Our usual routine of communicating with each other changed (he acted more awkward as did I because of the fact we don't usually discuss our lives outside of the library), we both stepped over some unsaid boundaries we've set (like talking about flirting and opinions on things besides books) and it was all after I'd helped him get rid of a clingy fangirl.
It added up as a bit too much for myself personally, so here I am now - trembling as I warily make my way up the stairs to the library and stand before the oak doors awkwardly for a few seconds. I finally gather up some courage and my hand reaches for one of the handles of the doors.
"(Y/N)."
The voice startles me to the point I jump a bit and turn around like a deer in headlights to look at the person calling me. It's Levi. He's standing at the top of the stairs with a carton cup in his hand and a cigarette in the other one. My eyes widen - I know he smokes, but he never does it in the building. If I have to be honest, I'm shocked because he looks disheveled and a bit tired, as if he hasn't slept well.
"Levi, hey." I greet awkwardly with an uneasy smile and his eyes narrow at me before he starts walking towards the doors of the library.
"Are you alright?" He asks, totally off topic, and I blink at him for a second before casually changing the topic from me to him.
"I think I should be the one asking that. You look kinda terrible."
He shoots me a glare before pushing the library doors open and leaving me at the entrance in shock since he just entered inside with his beverage, cigarette and all that jazz. He drops the cup off at his desk and goes back to the doors to take a drag from the cigarette before tossing it in the trash can. Furtunately, it doesn’t light anything on fire.
"Well," he looks up at me expectantly, "are you waiting for an official invitation? Come in, already."
I chuckle a bit and follow him inside after closing the doors. Levi seems a bit lifeless, but his cold demeanour is all the same. I wonder for a second what’s the reason for his carelessness - enough as to let himself bring a drink in the library, which is a thing he would usually never do. All rules that apply to the visitors apply to him just as equally - he never brings food or drinks inside, much less chew gum or smoke in the premises of the library. It's strange seeing him like that. His usual three-layer attire is now replaced by a long trench coat and a simple dark turtleneck shirt. And let me tell you, as awkward as this atmosphere is for me, I can't deny he's still the hottest thing to walk this Earth.
"Problems at home?"
That is the worst about breaking a rule - once you've broken it it's basically qualified as alright to do it again. So my question is another crack in the casual relationship I have with Levi inside the library and a glimpse towards what it can be outside of it as nobody being superior to the other.
He looks up from the desk which his gaze has been pinned to for the last five seconds and whisks a hand through the air, which, and I am not joking, surprises me a lot since the raven may usually express himself through actions, but not these if you get what I mean.
"No. My life out of here is as average as the worn-out shoes on your feet. In average lives there are no problems." He states, making me sigh as I glance at him with pity. He hasn't even met my gaze yet, but I feel like he knows what I will say even before I voice it out.
"Everyone has problems, Levi. You just deny yours. What is troubling you?" I inquire shortly after listening to him insult my precious converses. I show up here for the first time in two days and he starts offending my fashion style right off the bat. Well, it is Levi after all, it's not like I'm unaware of how he talks and what he truly means when he says certain things.
"I... thought I'd lost something precious."
Okay, no cringe so far. Let's listen some more. I tell myself once sensing that I am probably invading personal territory here. More so than he did two days ago.
"It's one of those small things that are always there, you know. You don't pay too much attention to it and when it disappears you suddenly realise you're a bit empty without it." His voice is pensive and heavy as if he's talking about a dead relative and I feel myself getting tense because of all the metaphors he's using. Truly, I knew what it was - more like he made me understand the feeling during these past few days when I couldn't let myself face him properly. It was like I'd lost a thing I'd always held in my pocket and all of a sudden it's not there. So, he lost something. What is it, though?
And why did he use the past tense of 'think' if he truly lost that thing? I ask myself whilst staring at the librarian behind his big desk, it's as if he's placed it there to serve as a barricade and not let anybody past it. Like all the walls he has around himself as a whole. Great, there goes the discovery of another wall. I surpress the urge to roll my eyes at the discovery I’ve made a second ago because I’ve spent the past two years breaking down all those walls surrounding Levi and his persona and now there’s suddenly a new one showing up. It’s not that bad however, because behind each and every wall is hidden something important I now know of the male, so this simply means a new fact to learn about him.
"Did you find it in the end?" I inquire curiously, totally not minding the way he almost flinches as I do. Of course, as the oblivious person I am I prefer to indulge myself in overthinking rather than observe him and overthink on the topic of his body language. However, I do notice the prolonged time it takes him to answer my innocent question.
"... just this morning. It's still upsetting - the realisation of the fact that something you regard so indifferently turns out to be so important." He says stiffly, making me eye up the way he drags the tips of his fingers over the rim of the carton cup on his desk, almost in a nervous way. It will have usually made me laugh – Levi being nervous, but at the moment I’m all too enticed by this new side of his that I forget to act indifferently.
"And what was the thing?" I stare at him with big eyes, indulged in this discovery. He seems at a loss for words – a rarity for him. It takes the raven a few seconds to go back to his senses, but in those few short moments I feel a warm feeling spread across my body – he looks so innocent, so confused, so obliviously pitiful, it’s as if he does not realise his expression has changed into the most adorably vulnerable face I’ve ever seen him wear. The emotions in his eyes are unreadable, but then he puts that wall between us – the wall built of ‘I don’t want to talk about myself’ bricks, bricks I am unable to push past, haven’t been able for the past two years.
"It's not important. And what's with you these past few days? You didn't come." The mere fact he's noticed my absence and cares enough as to ask (because Levi is rarely courteous and does things for the sake of being polite) makes my heart skip a beat. I roll my eyes while leaning on the side of his desk and shrug in supposed nonchalance.
"Well, you know my roommates. Also, the thing about Jean and Hamlet? That's what I was doing." I say the first thing that comes into mind as a legitimate excuse, but Levi doesn't seem to believe me. And rightfully so – I am indeed lying to him.
"For two days straight?" He asks and a single of his thin brows raises in a questioning manner. I’ve tried to make him teach me how to do it when we were all alone, but the lessons were short and unsuccessful – unfortuately I’ll never wield the force to add such eloquent gestures to my own questions.
"Well, you suddenly found your lost item today and I decided I'd stop tutoring my stupid roommate and show up here instead. Coincidences happen." I shrug again and eye up the black tea in his cup when it suddenly hits me what I said. Levi stays silent, provoked by my implication as it seems or simply enough dumbfounded at my words – I shall never know with that poker face of his.
I made it look like... I decide not to continue the thought even in my head where nobody can hear it. I don’t really know why, but I feel like I might just slip and voice it out if I decide to finish it.
I stare at the raven-haired librarian’s face when his eyes decide to meet mine. I gulp, but my throat is dry and a feeling of uneasiness settles in my chest – can his gaze be any more piercing than it is right now? Because I really feel like my knees might give out if he continues to stare at me like that. For a second I see something I never will have expected from him – I witness the slight movement of his gaze from mine to my parted lips. He keeps his hues pinned to my lips for the overall of a second before forcing them back to my eyes. It gives me hope, but that’s a thing I really wish to deny at the moment.
"Whatever," I notice his eyes averting away from mine before he speaks, "it's a Friday so today we're both leaving early. Enjoy your time here while it lasts." His hand grasps the cup on his desk and I push myself off the mahogany surface before looking back at him with a grin.
"Oh, yeah, I will."
Those words have way more meaning in my head than they do out of my mouth, and Levi – like many other things about me, probably aready knows that although not in the way I’m hoping for him to. I rush off to the romance section when I see him turn around and start sorting some folders, as always careful not to let him get a glance at my guilty-pleasure book.
My trivial routine seems completed when I settle into my usual seat and open the guilty-pleasure book, excited about the outcome of today’s tutoring session and how Daniel will take Jane’s confession. Of course I know it’s stupid to get so emotional over fiction, but this is a novel I relate to immensely due to the main character and her awkward supposedly one-sided love for her teacher. True, Levi isn’t my teacher per se, but he’s a working adult, dealing with his own taxes and such, while I’m just the college student looking up to him and hoping to get something out of it. Jane herself realises her admiration is actually love in the middle of the book, so there is hope for me since I acknowledged my crush on Levi about a year and a half ago. It took me approximately four months to stop denying the fact he makes me smile more than anybody else or brightens my day just by letting me steal a glance or two of his visage.
As my eyes start browsing the lines I feel the anxiety build inside me – having compassion for the adorably awkward main herione is something I’ve adapated to throughout the past few weeks in which I’ve taken my time reading the whole series about her. In the first book she falls in love, the second book is about fixing her friendship with the most important to her people, the third book is about her social and sexual life which is left in the background, the fourth book focuses mainly on her confusion on the matter of her feelings for Daniel. The fifth book I’m holding currently has told me the story of her growing even more attached to the male as he helps her get better grades and stops her from doing all kinds of stupid things. She’s about to confess to him after pondering the question for about a week.
I hopestly adore their relationship and to be honest would kill to have the same with Levi, but being stupid and hopeful are two different things and I’m not stupid enough to be hopeful. Anxiety burns within my chest, to the point I start mouthing the words Jane says during her conversation with Daniel. The confession is starting, I realise about a second later when she mentions the thinking she’s done in the past few days. He looks at her confusedly – they’re supposed to be studying, not talking about something that seems so serious. Nonetheless, he listens.
‘I don’t know how you’re going to take this, but I… have feeligs for you. I’ve had them for the past year or so, maybe longer. I’m sorry, I know a relationship between us is impossible, taking in account your social status and job, and I realise it’s wrong of me to feel anything for an adult, but I’ve decided to tell you.’
That’s my girl, Jane, tell him! My shoulders tense as my lips part and my eyes move to the next paragraph.
"So, what do you say?" Instead of mouthing the words I straight out say them, indulged enough not to
care whether Levi is going to hear me or not. I trace Daniel’s answer impatiently, having waited for this for five books now.
"You’re so blunt despite being shy, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say now. I guess I do agree with the fact this is something you shouldn’t be feeling, much less for a person like me. Unfortuately for us both, the same goes for me. I like you, too, Jane." Daniel’s smile is soft, or so the book says.
I’m grinning really hard, but it takes me a moment to realise the words didn’t just echo inside my head like they were supposed to – someone was saying them. I slam the book closed like I would every single time Levi passes me only to witness the raven-haired librarian sitting on the edge of the table with crossed hands. My eyes are wide and I panic – he just recited Daniel’s answer word by word as if he’s read the book a thousant times. When I look into his eyes I swear I can see a small flicker of amusement inside them.
"So?" He inquires and I can almost hear the smirk in his voice. His clothes are plain, his hair is a dark mess, but he’s still so hellishly attractive I could’ve sworn he is doing it effortlessly with the sole purpose to piss me off.
"Aren’t you supposed to be at your desk?" I ask rather than regard the thing that just happened since I’m confused and I need time to calm down and sort my thoughts. The raven in front of me pushes himself off the table and instead takes a seat by my side, making my eyes widen as I pull the book to my chest.
"Usually, but I was going out for some brunch and was about to ask you if you wanted to come. Then I heard you reciting Jane’s confession from the book and I couldn’t really resist the temptation." He teases almost unnoticeably, but I realise two things – he’s way more casual than usual and he hates brunch, so he’s lying about his appearance. Also he’s obviously read the book enough times to memorise some of the lines by heart, which is something for the cold librarian, whose life is more devoid of sexual activity than my own (that alone should mean a shit ton).
"Then let’s go." I state, placing the book on the table, but Levi grasps my wrist when I’m about to get up. I freeze and let myself fall back into my chair, shocked by his abrupt change of demeanour – he’s times more daring and confident than he usually is. He hates physical contact unless needed, but now he’s willingly touching me? Well, that’s something deserving of a medal.
"I wanted to tell you something." He says seriously and my eyebrows furrow. He’s never this serious when it’s just the two of us, much less determined, but judging by the determination in his eyes he’s set on telling me this ‘thing’ right now. I await his next words, slowly coming to the realisation his fingers haven’t let go of my wrist. His slender digits are cold and his palm is sweaty – is he nervous? "(Y/N), I---"
He cuts himself off and looks down, suddenly devoid of every ounce of confidence he’s held until a second ago. My eyebrows furrow and I stare at him as if he’s gone mad yet I’m mesmerized by his current expression. He seems so helpless and so uncertain that it’s cute. There's no sexual tension between us (and I must admit there have been times where it's been present), but his face just tells me 'you're that thing I lost and I'm still shocked you hold so much importance to me'. I don’t even know why I do what I do next, but I assure you, it shocks me just as much as it does Levi.
With my free hand I shakily lift up his face and plant my lips on his. I feel how he’s not moving, not reciprocating, but it takes him awhile to realise what I’m doing. His hand lets go of my wrist and I use both my hands to draw his face closer to mine. The kiss is soft because I’m scared to deepen it, but I sense Levi’s slender fingers tangle in my (h/c) tresses as our lips slowly move in sync. The feeling is amazing, it’s warm and it makes me feel as if there are fireworks exploding inside my mind. I’m happy to the point it could be called ecstasy. And it’s all due to the warmth I can feel coming from him and his touch. He's the only one who can make me feel love-sick to the point I mirror every single giddy school girl from my guilty-pleasure books.
It doesn’t take us too long to part, but we still stay close. We’re both silent and I can almost sense the words pressing at the tip of his tongue, but I’m the first to speak.
"You know we just violated one of the library rules, right?"
Levi spins to face me and I see the most beautiful smile sit on his lips before he snorts with laughter.
Yes, well, I have the hots for the librarian. I called dibs on him the moment I saw him for the first time, so this is basically me receiving what I've already claimed after a prolonged wait. It would be a lie to say I don’t feel as if I can grin to death when the realisation of that fact settles in my mind fully.
I quickly gulp down half the contents of the carton cup I'm clutching in my hold as I stop inbetween floors to take a breath. The hot liquid burns by tongue and I am sure it will leave it numb for the next few hours, but since I can't bring beverages or food in the library I have to drink it now or get it poured all over my head as I am being kicked out for the day.
I know better than to choose the latter.
And since today has already been bad enough I really don't want for it to become even worse by not letting me see my beloved librarian.
Yeah, you totally heard me, I've got the hots for the librarian of the local library.
I resume my sprint up the stairs and finally find myself in front of the entrance of the library. The hard oak doors mark the exact place I leave behind all pride and enter the guilty-pleasure temple I've secretly built for myself exactly two and a half years ago. I push the doors open and enter inside, tossing the now empty carton cup in the trash can close by and glancing at the massive mahogany desk a few feet away from me.
Behind its slick surface sits a male so gorgeous I can cry every time I look at him. His gaze departs for a moment from the lines of the book he's holding and descends towards my form. His gunmetal irises eye me up shortly before they return to the safe heaven of the paragraphs of the book in his hands and he huffs almost inaudibly as I make my way by his desk.
"A bit late today." He notes boredly and I stiffen for a single second. I realise he is very observant, maybe even more than he is beautiful and since my highness is a regular visitor at the library I can bet he has the exact time I arrive and depart written down on a note and stored deep within that pretty mind of his.
"My roommates were having a gathering of sorts, it's hard to change clothes when there are people making out in front of your dresser." Not a lie. Eren and Jean are dipshits, who are most probably currently getting wasted and hooking up with different girls on every flat surfce they can find around the dorm. My statement makes the raven snort. Probably he doesn't need that much details.
"Are you going to stay until closing time again?" He asks instead of making a comment on my previous words and I hold back a snort of kinds.
Of fucking course I'll be staying until closing time, you beautiful creature. Ever seen me leave earlier than that?
I think for a second that it will be very unfortunate if the male that stands behind the desk turns out to be a mind-reader because all the stuff I've said and thought and imagined that regarded him would turn out to be a great way for him to blackmail me and probably bring me a great deal of humiliation along the way.
"Yeah, I have to read some more..." I trail off uncomfortably. What did I even read last time I was here? I forgot, I probably stared at the raven too hard to focus for more than a few paragraphs. Even so, I have a Literature major, I’m supposed to read classics or something of the kind. "Hamlet."
"Didn't you finish that last month?" He questions boredly as his piercing gaze once again leaves the pages of his book to glance at me with a look that almost tells me I am fucking busted. I glance around the library, surprisingly finding the almost empty place not being that much of a reassurance as I usually do. I think up a lie.
"Jean doesn't get it fully and we have an assignment for next week. He said he'd give me twenty bucks if I managed to teach him everything and for that to happen I myself have to read it once more and freshen up my memory." I blabber much and quickly, but the man behind the desk doesn't seem to mind.
"Hm." He only hums lightly and I take it as a sign to leave already and proceed doing whatever I have in mind.
I start browsing the names of each section of shelves around the place (not that I don't already have them all memorised, I just need to walk around a bit to cool off) and finally settle at a table after getting Hamlet from the classics section. I also snatch a guilty-pleasure book from the romance section, but the hot librarian with no traditional values and sense of romance whatsoever doesn't need to know about it.
The table I'm positioned at is literally the best table around the place since it gives me a side-view of the librarian's desk and doesn't make me look creepy at all since it is the one that's falling in my line of sight. Also, the angle it gives me towards the librarian himself is basically the best thing ever.
I just realise, I've been calling him 'the librarian' too much all of a sudden. Of course, Levi doesn't mind it, but he likes to say that the title makes him both proud and sound a bit old, with most of the accent falling on the latter. Unlike the last librarian (an old, spite-filled hag who didn't even care whether the place was clean or quiet), Levi actually does his job and likes it. He's young, too young to be a librarian, but I'll be the last person you hear complaining about that really; and he's immensely gorgeous if I haven't mentioned it already.
His raven hair in undercut style would make any girl swoon and then attempt to glide hands through it. His skin is pale - maybe because he spends no more than two hours a day outside, his height is a bit under the average for a grown male (well, now, when I say grown I mean mid-twenties max), but the broad shoulders, toned torso and nicely-shaped ass certainly compensate for that. His eyes are narrow, piercing and very electrifying.
Levi (again unlike that old hag) has his rules set. Food and beverages aren’t allowed in the library, chewing gum is fine as long as it's not later found stuck to the underside of the tables, chairs, shelves or the worst - inbetween the pages of some book. There is no loud talking or screaming in the library, also it is not to be used for anything besides reading and studying. Example - no horny hormone-bags (teenagers as called by the big mass of society) are allowed inside if their only intent is to make-out somewhere quiet.
Besides being diligent, Levi is extremely intelligent, hardworking and certainly caring. He usually faces everyone with a bored frown, but he can be kind when he wants to be. He's never unreasonable and he's reliable, so going to him when in need is the best place I can go. Aside from getting to look at him extra time, he actually helps me, so yeah - he's also helpful. His memory is basically the epitome of perfection and precision and he may not look like it but he's super funny when he's sure there aren't too many people around.
Enough of a reason to like him, right?
At least it's enough for me.
And so, seated in my perfect place, reading my guilty-pleasure book and switching with Hamlet when Levi glances at me is how I spend the next four hours, to the very second Levi nags me to leave because the library is closing doors.
Good enough for a Monday I have to say.
...
"Hey, Levi." I call the very next day as I make my way inside the library, but surprisingly for me the raven-haired hot librarian is nowhere to be found. My eyebrows furrow when I stare at his empty desk, but I head for the romance section to grab my favourite guilty-pleasure book anyway, hoping to see him emerge from inbetween the sections as I walk.
Something similar happens indeed, but instead of Levi stumbling onto me, I just so happen to locate him first. His back is pressed against the shelf that holds my guilty-pleasure book and he is immensely uncomfortable and a bit ticked-off.
The reason?
A girl is currently flirting with him.
He notices me the moment I step a foot inbetween the shelves and my eyes widen as I catch the way he glances at me like a deer in headlights as if begging for me to rid him of this nonsense. Usually, things like these happen on a daily basis even when I am not around (I know it because he's told me not because I'm some creepy stalker or anything), so I wonder why the handsome male would need my help to shoo off the clingy girl.
However, I realise less than half a second later that this is my chance to claim my territory.
Well, not territory per se; when I say territory I just mean belonging and Levi isn't really my belonging, no I don't really own him even though I strongly wish I did, but it's my time to prove to these peasant girls that I am dominant in this place. I rule around here and I get to talk to the hot librarian because I come here for the books and not him unlike the majority of them.
I close up on Levi and the little blonde who's fluttering her long eyelashes his way with an innocent, almost oblivious face, but on the inside I laugh smugly. The moment the girl notices my presence is the moment I decide to act.
"Hey, Levi." I say with a sweet smile and voice as close to an angel's as possible. The raven almost seems relieved and the blonde in front of him glares at me with her chocolate orbs as if I've just expressed my displeasure with her presence vocally. I glare back just as intensively, making sure Levi didn’t catch the brief gesture displaying my dominance as a proud female.
Bitch, I called dibs two years ago.
My mental growl is also briefly heard out loud before I continue speaking. "You were going to show me the new prints of that adventure book today, right? Or am I interrupting something?"
The girl is about to speak, but Levi beats her to it, making me grin internally in satisfaction.
"No, you’re not. Let's go."
He takes the lead and walks in front of me, leaving the blonde with her manicured nails and caked face behind faster than anything I've seen. I feel extremely superior in that single moment when her angry but hopeless gaze meets my confident expression. I smile as I follow him, giving her a last warning glance to step back or bear the consequences before turning my attention to Levi's toned back covered just barely by that light green shirt he's decided to wear today. Ever so fortunately for me, he's left his cardigan at his desk and I'm given the unique opportunity to check out his back muscles to my heart's contents unlike other days when he's always covered by at least two layers of clothing which don't let his beautiful structure reveal itself from underneath.
"Thank you, by the way." His voice snaps me out of my daze regarding his precious back muscles and I shake my head awkwardly.
"It's nothing. I don't particularly know what the feeling of being constantly hit on is like, but I'm sure it's not the best when you're not interested." I scratch the back of my head while trying to think of something else to say when Levi stops, making me jump back instead of bump into him like the giddy female lead in all romance novels. Honestly, I wish to be like that, but I'm just the possessive perverted fangirl instead and I can't really hope for a happy ending with the perfect man when I'm only a college student with dumb horny roommates and a part-time job as a barista.
I watch as Levi turns around and his narrowed eyes trace my face with suspicion. "You don't?"
Shit, I totally lost track of the convo.
I bite back a desperate expression, having lost the connection in our conversation and possessing no idea whatsoever what he meant. "I don't what exactly?" I ask, trying to act confused and it's honestly not hard at all.
"You don't get hit on?"
Sure as hell I don't, Levi, look at me. Despite my smartass mental comment my eyebrows furrow as I watch the slight confusion on his face grow into genuine doubt. My mouth stays closed.
"Don't you work next to a high school?"
Well, yes, of course I do, but questions is--- Why do you remember when I've mentioned it only once in the two years we've known each other??? My own face contorts in confusion as I listen to the raven haired man talk. He seems uneasy as if he's trying to say things he doesn't want to.
"I'm pretty sure half if not all males that have once visited your workplace would try to---"
Having realised what he may just wrap this sentence with, I raise my eyebrows and am about to open my mouth, but I don't seem to be fast enough. Levi lets out a snort and scoffs dismissively to himself, as if the mere idea of starting his last sentence is stupid enough to put him in the category of a retard.
"You know what, this is enough for today. Thank you for helping me back there, go and fetch yourself a book and I'll resume my work." His gaze is directed towards the ground as his lips part and his voice is just as cold and bored as always. However, the additional stiffness that is inside is not inaudible for my ears.
I don't seem to assimilate the information he's just provided me with fast enough and by the time I'm halfway through with repeating his words in my head and analysing them thoroughly he's already gone to his desk of mahogany. I stand there, between the shelves full of books of fiction, where all kinds of different worlds surround me, but I'm bound to this one by the words Levi's just told me, the words I don't seem to grasp the meaning of.
My mouth opens as I stare at the space he used to occupy blankly. And I speak.
"... alright."
A sigh is drawn out of my lips and my head falls, my gaze directs itself to my feet and the shabby old carpet under them which is (despite its age) red like a brick. It's looked like that for years and it never changes. I snort and my feet move across the carpet between the sections, towards the tables at the back of the spacious place. If I want to be out of Levi's sight (and that's all I really want at the moment) that's the right place to go.
Stupid, I'm a fucking dimwit, I should've stopped him. I scold myself mentally as I pace to the tables, but my feet suddenly come to a halt just at the end of the line of shelves. I'm still in their shadow as a mocking thought enters my mind.
Yeah, and what would I tell him then?
"Levi, wait a second, I seriously don't get you, but please stay because I like you and I feel better when you're around?" I step into the light that's seeping through the windows on both walls whose ends meet at the corner right across my form. I can hear how ridiculous I sound and it honestly disgusts me. There's no living soul where I am right now and I doubt Levi's hearing is actually as good as to catch the sound of my voice (much less my words) from across the whole library, so I let them hang in the calm air for a few seconds before moving to the table furthest from the shelves and sitting down.
Ha-ha, that was right out of a romance novel, but if he heard me he'd say I'm acting like a freak instead of reciprocate my feelings. End of romance. I snort unattractively and upon the mention of romance, my thoughts race back to the unexisting memory of me actually taking my guilty-pleasure book from the romance section.
Well, great. I get up from the table and skip over to the nearest shelf (which just turns out to be a part of the classics section) to grab the first book that falls into my sight. My inner monologue continues as I make my way back to the table and I feel the need to snort at the coincidence I'm holding in my hand once I get a look at its title. The romance section is right across from Levi's desk so if I actually want to get it, I'll have to face the humiliation of him seeing me pick it out. Looks like Jane will have to wait a bit before confessing her feelings for Daniel during their tutoring session because I'm stuck here reading Hamlet and avoiding my all-time favourite librarian.
Tucked in the corner and re-reading Hamlet for the tenth time in my college years is how I spend the next two hours, up to the moment I decide to leave early and sneak out wordlessly through the oak doors two hours before closing time. Levi's words on the matter
("(Y/N), where are you going?")
and my nonexistent response irk me constantly for the rest of the day (and night) as I am forced to listen to Jean and Eren fight for the umpteenth time that week.
Not that great of a Tuesday in my book.
...
I wake up and the first thing I think about is Levi. Of course, I have the hots for the guy, but I've been avoiding him for the past two days and it's already Friday morning. I've been taking longer to drag my ass to college because I started rounding the library in desperate attempts not to encounter the male and yes, I know I’m going too far. Also, I totally agree, but it isn't that bad although my energy levels have fallen drastically and I barely have the will to get up from my bed what stays go to college or deal with anything else.
I decide upon my awakening today that I'm finally going to go back to the library. Maybe I'll make up a stupid excuse if Levi asks why I've been gone. Hell, maybe I won't even have to because he's not that interested in me as to ask anyway.
I shake my head and go make myself some coffee before taking off towards college and right after preventing today's feud between my roommates. I feel like a deadman and it's honestly strange because I know the cause is the fact I haven't been able to see Levi, but I keep on denying it's that because it would seem I'm all too vulnerable without him. I don't like being dependant on people. Even more people that have just barely acknowledged my existence (which is basically a lie in my case since the guy is my friend, but let’s humour my pessimistic self for a second here and ignore it).
Of course, that day, college is more boring and going slower than ever before. Mostly because of the fact I'm excited to go back to the library and a bit nauseous on the very same matter as well. I feel like the reason I'm actually avoiding Levi is more stupid than I myself am.
Our usual routine of communicating with each other changed (he acted more awkward as did I because of the fact we don't usually discuss our lives outside of the library), we both stepped over some unsaid boundaries we've set (like talking about flirting and opinions on things besides books) and it was all after I'd helped him get rid of a clingy fangirl.
It added up as a bit too much for myself personally, so here I am now - trembling as I warily make my way up the stairs to the library and stand before the oak doors awkwardly for a few seconds. I finally gather up some courage and my hand reaches for one of the handles of the doors.
"(Y/N)."
The voice startles me to the point I jump a bit and turn around like a deer in headlights to look at the person calling me. It's Levi. He's standing at the top of the stairs with a carton cup in his hand and a cigarette in the other one. My eyes widen - I know he smokes, but he never does it in the building. If I have to be honest, I'm shocked because he looks disheveled and a bit tired, as if he hasn't slept well.
"Levi, hey." I greet awkwardly with an uneasy smile and his eyes narrow at me before he starts walking towards the doors of the library.
"Are you alright?" He asks, totally off topic, and I blink at him for a second before casually changing the topic from me to him.
"I think I should be the one asking that. You look kinda terrible."
He shoots me a glare before pushing the library doors open and leaving me at the entrance in shock since he just entered inside with his beverage, cigarette and all that jazz. He drops the cup off at his desk and goes back to the doors to take a drag from the cigarette before tossing it in the trash can. Furtunately, it doesn’t light anything on fire.
"Well," he looks up at me expectantly, "are you waiting for an official invitation? Come in, already."
I chuckle a bit and follow him inside after closing the doors. Levi seems a bit lifeless, but his cold demeanour is all the same. I wonder for a second what’s the reason for his carelessness - enough as to let himself bring a drink in the library, which is a thing he would usually never do. All rules that apply to the visitors apply to him just as equally - he never brings food or drinks inside, much less chew gum or smoke in the premises of the library. It's strange seeing him like that. His usual three-layer attire is now replaced by a long trench coat and a simple dark turtleneck shirt. And let me tell you, as awkward as this atmosphere is for me, I can't deny he's still the hottest thing to walk this Earth.
"Problems at home?"
That is the worst about breaking a rule - once you've broken it it's basically qualified as alright to do it again. So my question is another crack in the casual relationship I have with Levi inside the library and a glimpse towards what it can be outside of it as nobody being superior to the other.
He looks up from the desk which his gaze has been pinned to for the last five seconds and whisks a hand through the air, which, and I am not joking, surprises me a lot since the raven may usually express himself through actions, but not these if you get what I mean.
"No. My life out of here is as average as the worn-out shoes on your feet. In average lives there are no problems." He states, making me sigh as I glance at him with pity. He hasn't even met my gaze yet, but I feel like he knows what I will say even before I voice it out.
"Everyone has problems, Levi. You just deny yours. What is troubling you?" I inquire shortly after listening to him insult my precious converses. I show up here for the first time in two days and he starts offending my fashion style right off the bat. Well, it is Levi after all, it's not like I'm unaware of how he talks and what he truly means when he says certain things.
"I... thought I'd lost something precious."
Okay, no cringe so far. Let's listen some more. I tell myself once sensing that I am probably invading personal territory here. More so than he did two days ago.
"It's one of those small things that are always there, you know. You don't pay too much attention to it and when it disappears you suddenly realise you're a bit empty without it." His voice is pensive and heavy as if he's talking about a dead relative and I feel myself getting tense because of all the metaphors he's using. Truly, I knew what it was - more like he made me understand the feeling during these past few days when I couldn't let myself face him properly. It was like I'd lost a thing I'd always held in my pocket and all of a sudden it's not there. So, he lost something. What is it, though?
And why did he use the past tense of 'think' if he truly lost that thing? I ask myself whilst staring at the librarian behind his big desk, it's as if he's placed it there to serve as a barricade and not let anybody past it. Like all the walls he has around himself as a whole. Great, there goes the discovery of another wall. I surpress the urge to roll my eyes at the discovery I’ve made a second ago because I’ve spent the past two years breaking down all those walls surrounding Levi and his persona and now there’s suddenly a new one showing up. It’s not that bad however, because behind each and every wall is hidden something important I now know of the male, so this simply means a new fact to learn about him.
"Did you find it in the end?" I inquire curiously, totally not minding the way he almost flinches as I do. Of course, as the oblivious person I am I prefer to indulge myself in overthinking rather than observe him and overthink on the topic of his body language. However, I do notice the prolonged time it takes him to answer my innocent question.
"... just this morning. It's still upsetting - the realisation of the fact that something you regard so indifferently turns out to be so important." He says stiffly, making me eye up the way he drags the tips of his fingers over the rim of the carton cup on his desk, almost in a nervous way. It will have usually made me laugh – Levi being nervous, but at the moment I’m all too enticed by this new side of his that I forget to act indifferently.
"And what was the thing?" I stare at him with big eyes, indulged in this discovery. He seems at a loss for words – a rarity for him. It takes the raven a few seconds to go back to his senses, but in those few short moments I feel a warm feeling spread across my body – he looks so innocent, so confused, so obliviously pitiful, it’s as if he does not realise his expression has changed into the most adorably vulnerable face I’ve ever seen him wear. The emotions in his eyes are unreadable, but then he puts that wall between us – the wall built of ‘I don’t want to talk about myself’ bricks, bricks I am unable to push past, haven’t been able for the past two years.
"It's not important. And what's with you these past few days? You didn't come." The mere fact he's noticed my absence and cares enough as to ask (because Levi is rarely courteous and does things for the sake of being polite) makes my heart skip a beat. I roll my eyes while leaning on the side of his desk and shrug in supposed nonchalance.
"Well, you know my roommates. Also, the thing about Jean and Hamlet? That's what I was doing." I say the first thing that comes into mind as a legitimate excuse, but Levi doesn't seem to believe me. And rightfully so – I am indeed lying to him.
"For two days straight?" He asks and a single of his thin brows raises in a questioning manner. I’ve tried to make him teach me how to do it when we were all alone, but the lessons were short and unsuccessful – unfortuately I’ll never wield the force to add such eloquent gestures to my own questions.
"Well, you suddenly found your lost item today and I decided I'd stop tutoring my stupid roommate and show up here instead. Coincidences happen." I shrug again and eye up the black tea in his cup when it suddenly hits me what I said. Levi stays silent, provoked by my implication as it seems or simply enough dumbfounded at my words – I shall never know with that poker face of his.
I made it look like... I decide not to continue the thought even in my head where nobody can hear it. I don’t really know why, but I feel like I might just slip and voice it out if I decide to finish it.
I stare at the raven-haired librarian’s face when his eyes decide to meet mine. I gulp, but my throat is dry and a feeling of uneasiness settles in my chest – can his gaze be any more piercing than it is right now? Because I really feel like my knees might give out if he continues to stare at me like that. For a second I see something I never will have expected from him – I witness the slight movement of his gaze from mine to my parted lips. He keeps his hues pinned to my lips for the overall of a second before forcing them back to my eyes. It gives me hope, but that’s a thing I really wish to deny at the moment.
"Whatever," I notice his eyes averting away from mine before he speaks, "it's a Friday so today we're both leaving early. Enjoy your time here while it lasts." His hand grasps the cup on his desk and I push myself off the mahogany surface before looking back at him with a grin.
"Oh, yeah, I will."
Those words have way more meaning in my head than they do out of my mouth, and Levi – like many other things about me, probably aready knows that although not in the way I’m hoping for him to. I rush off to the romance section when I see him turn around and start sorting some folders, as always careful not to let him get a glance at my guilty-pleasure book.
My trivial routine seems completed when I settle into my usual seat and open the guilty-pleasure book, excited about the outcome of today’s tutoring session and how Daniel will take Jane’s confession. Of course I know it’s stupid to get so emotional over fiction, but this is a novel I relate to immensely due to the main character and her awkward supposedly one-sided love for her teacher. True, Levi isn’t my teacher per se, but he’s a working adult, dealing with his own taxes and such, while I’m just the college student looking up to him and hoping to get something out of it. Jane herself realises her admiration is actually love in the middle of the book, so there is hope for me since I acknowledged my crush on Levi about a year and a half ago. It took me approximately four months to stop denying the fact he makes me smile more than anybody else or brightens my day just by letting me steal a glance or two of his visage.
As my eyes start browsing the lines I feel the anxiety build inside me – having compassion for the adorably awkward main herione is something I’ve adapated to throughout the past few weeks in which I’ve taken my time reading the whole series about her. In the first book she falls in love, the second book is about fixing her friendship with the most important to her people, the third book is about her social and sexual life which is left in the background, the fourth book focuses mainly on her confusion on the matter of her feelings for Daniel. The fifth book I’m holding currently has told me the story of her growing even more attached to the male as he helps her get better grades and stops her from doing all kinds of stupid things. She’s about to confess to him after pondering the question for about a week.
I hopestly adore their relationship and to be honest would kill to have the same with Levi, but being stupid and hopeful are two different things and I’m not stupid enough to be hopeful. Anxiety burns within my chest, to the point I start mouthing the words Jane says during her conversation with Daniel. The confession is starting, I realise about a second later when she mentions the thinking she’s done in the past few days. He looks at her confusedly – they’re supposed to be studying, not talking about something that seems so serious. Nonetheless, he listens.
‘I don’t know how you’re going to take this, but I… have feeligs for you. I’ve had them for the past year or so, maybe longer. I’m sorry, I know a relationship between us is impossible, taking in account your social status and job, and I realise it’s wrong of me to feel anything for an adult, but I’ve decided to tell you.’
That’s my girl, Jane, tell him! My shoulders tense as my lips part and my eyes move to the next paragraph.
"So, what do you say?" Instead of mouthing the words I straight out say them, indulged enough not to
care whether Levi is going to hear me or not. I trace Daniel’s answer impatiently, having waited for this for five books now.
"You’re so blunt despite being shy, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say now. I guess I do agree with the fact this is something you shouldn’t be feeling, much less for a person like me. Unfortuately for us both, the same goes for me. I like you, too, Jane." Daniel’s smile is soft, or so the book says.
I’m grinning really hard, but it takes me a moment to realise the words didn’t just echo inside my head like they were supposed to – someone was saying them. I slam the book closed like I would every single time Levi passes me only to witness the raven-haired librarian sitting on the edge of the table with crossed hands. My eyes are wide and I panic – he just recited Daniel’s answer word by word as if he’s read the book a thousant times. When I look into his eyes I swear I can see a small flicker of amusement inside them.
"So?" He inquires and I can almost hear the smirk in his voice. His clothes are plain, his hair is a dark mess, but he’s still so hellishly attractive I could’ve sworn he is doing it effortlessly with the sole purpose to piss me off.
"Aren’t you supposed to be at your desk?" I ask rather than regard the thing that just happened since I’m confused and I need time to calm down and sort my thoughts. The raven in front of me pushes himself off the table and instead takes a seat by my side, making my eyes widen as I pull the book to my chest.
"Usually, but I was going out for some brunch and was about to ask you if you wanted to come. Then I heard you reciting Jane’s confession from the book and I couldn’t really resist the temptation." He teases almost unnoticeably, but I realise two things – he’s way more casual than usual and he hates brunch, so he’s lying about his appearance. Also he’s obviously read the book enough times to memorise some of the lines by heart, which is something for the cold librarian, whose life is more devoid of sexual activity than my own (that alone should mean a shit ton).
"Then let’s go." I state, placing the book on the table, but Levi grasps my wrist when I’m about to get up. I freeze and let myself fall back into my chair, shocked by his abrupt change of demeanour – he’s times more daring and confident than he usually is. He hates physical contact unless needed, but now he’s willingly touching me? Well, that’s something deserving of a medal.
"I wanted to tell you something." He says seriously and my eyebrows furrow. He’s never this serious when it’s just the two of us, much less determined, but judging by the determination in his eyes he’s set on telling me this ‘thing’ right now. I await his next words, slowly coming to the realisation his fingers haven’t let go of my wrist. His slender digits are cold and his palm is sweaty – is he nervous? "(Y/N), I---"
He cuts himself off and looks down, suddenly devoid of every ounce of confidence he’s held until a second ago. My eyebrows furrow and I stare at him as if he’s gone mad yet I’m mesmerized by his current expression. He seems so helpless and so uncertain that it’s cute. There's no sexual tension between us (and I must admit there have been times where it's been present), but his face just tells me 'you're that thing I lost and I'm still shocked you hold so much importance to me'. I don’t even know why I do what I do next, but I assure you, it shocks me just as much as it does Levi.
With my free hand I shakily lift up his face and plant my lips on his. I feel how he’s not moving, not reciprocating, but it takes him awhile to realise what I’m doing. His hand lets go of my wrist and I use both my hands to draw his face closer to mine. The kiss is soft because I’m scared to deepen it, but I sense Levi’s slender fingers tangle in my (h/c) tresses as our lips slowly move in sync. The feeling is amazing, it’s warm and it makes me feel as if there are fireworks exploding inside my mind. I’m happy to the point it could be called ecstasy. And it’s all due to the warmth I can feel coming from him and his touch. He's the only one who can make me feel love-sick to the point I mirror every single giddy school girl from my guilty-pleasure books.
It doesn’t take us too long to part, but we still stay close. We’re both silent and I can almost sense the words pressing at the tip of his tongue, but I’m the first to speak.
"You know we just violated one of the library rules, right?"
Levi spins to face me and I see the most beautiful smile sit on his lips before he snorts with laughter.
Yes, well, I have the hots for the librarian. I called dibs on him the moment I saw him for the first time, so this is basically me receiving what I've already claimed after a prolonged wait. It would be a lie to say I don’t feel as if I can grin to death when the realisation of that fact settles in my mind fully.
Literature
Stay With Me (Cheater!Levi X Reader) AU
~A/N: Listen As You Read! You May Need To Replay Once Or Twice! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2n-LwYmCqKk
This Is The Next Part To This Fic! http://greystream.deviantart.com/art/I-m-Not-The-Only-One-Cheater-Levi-X-Reader-AU-499109472 ~
A long drag of smoke billowed from the soft glowing embers of the cigarette, undulating into the already misty midnight air grown heavy with the gentle breeze. Running a chilled and slightly pale hand through his onyx-raven locks, he attempted to tame the slightly tousled locks from his previous encounter with the woman he had spent quite a few hours with. He had already ridden himself of the overcoat laced
Literature
tea on the porch | levi
Modern AU
Levi sat on his front porch with a steaming mug of black tea in hand. He was staring at the bruise blue sky stretching out across the horizon, fingers on the rim of his cup as the calming scent of tea filled his senses. It was a little over five in the morning, the time when he would share a nice cup of tea with someone.
Someone special.
He stretched his legs on the grass, bare feet brushing long blades of green as he leaned back a little. He felt more relaxed than usual today. Maybe because it was his day-off. Or maybe because (Name) had bought a gift for him.
Ah, he had nearly forgotten. It was his birthday.
Before her, any d
Literature
Close Your Eyes [Levi x OCD!Reader] [AU]
[Please read the description before proceeding!]
You sighed as you turned on the diffuser on your bedside table, the last step of your nighttime ritual before finally taking your rest. For a brief moment, you watched the thin stream of mist float delicately from the top, disappearing into the small space of your bedroom. The relaxing scent of lavender traveled up your nasal passages and rushed through the rest of your bloodstream. You didn’t particularly like doing this every damn night. It felt no different from any of your other rituals. But, at least, this one had an actual goal rather than appeasing the stupid worries concocted fro
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wow, okay, so this is a bit longer than what i anticipated. sorry for my periodic unactivity as of late, i just don't really have the time to write with school pressuring me so much and i know it's a lame excuse, but i really want good grades, so i have to work for them. i hope you still wait for my occassional works like this one - it's not edited, so feel free to point out all my mistakes.
also, i really enjoy the idea of somehow forbidden romance, so who knows - you may receive a teacher-student fanfic in the future.
also, i really enjoy the idea of somehow forbidden romance, so who knows - you may receive a teacher-student fanfic in the future.
© 2018 - 2024 StilemaWillow
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I wish I revised my notes as often as I revise these fanfics.